Don Rosenberg
Great Co-Parenting
10 Core Principles for Outstanding Co-Parenting After a Break-Up
©Don Rosenberg
February, 2026
Great co-parenting requires these values.
• prioritizing the child's best interests over other concerns
• consistently respectful communication
• consistency across households
• keeping adult conflicts away from children
• flexible planning and willingness to change plans
• valuing child’s loving relationship with both parents
• a structured, child-focused parenting plan
• a prime directive – the relationship has to be a cooperative endeavor
Here are 10 core principles for successful co-parenting:
1. Put the Children First: Make decisions based on what is best for the child’s emotional and physical well-being, rather than personal convenience or “ego.”
2. Maintain Business-Like Communication: Keep interactions polite, concise, and focused on the child, utilizing email or, to minimize conflict, specialized apps like OurFamilyWizard. Kids will know if there is tension and it absolutely will affect their relationships and emotional security.
3. Never Use Children as Messengers or Spies: Avoid asking children to relay messages or report on the other parent's life, which causes them anxiety. If you have a message, deliver it directly.
4. Keep Conflict Away from Children: Never argue in front of the child. They may not show it directly, but parental conflicts put kids in the middle; it’s emotionally disturbing.
5. Be Consistent Across Households: Aim for similar routines, rules, and expectations in both homes to provide stability. They don’t have to be identical. A discipline in one does not have to be carried out in the other. But if the child is expected to clean up, for example, or have a set bedtime, parents can discuss how both can come to an agreement on some rules – and where they can politely agree to disagree. When parents have divergent expectations, it makes the more structured parent seem harsh and the other permissive – not a good pattern for the kids.
6. Be Flexible and Adaptable: Life happens; be willing to adjust schedules for the child's extracurricular activities, special events, or emergencies. Or to shift occasional visitation days.
7. Speak Positively About the Other Parent: Avoid disparaging the other parent, as this damages the child’s self-esteem and relationship with that parent. Remind the child the other parent also loves the child.
8. Respect the Other Parent's Time: Adhere strictly to the visitation schedule and allow the child to have quality, uninterrupted time with the other parent.
9. Keep Each Other Informed: Share important information regarding school, health, and social activities promptly.
10. Take Care of Yourself: Manage your own stress and emotions through therapy or friends, so you can remain calm and focused during co-parenting interactions.
One more principal pertains to good outcomes for the child. On average, what is good for your ex is usually good for the kids – a promotion, a good relationship. Supporting what benefits your ex supports your children.
Co-parenting can challenge anyone. Leftover conflict from a breakup may interfere. Nonetheless, joining to focus on the children’s welfare and development is the basis for a collaboration that will serve all parties.
Is there something we can do to be helpful to you? Shorehaven Behavioral Health is a major mental health clinic and training center with therapy offices in Brown Deer, Greenfield, and Mt. Pleasant, and also offering telehealth throughout Wisconsin. We specialize in challenging cases and rapid access to services. In addition to depression, anxiety, behavioral problems, and most other psychological problems, we work extensively with children & families and with substance use problems. We also accept referrals for substance abuse care from clinicians who are not comfortable with that population. We make referrals easy with one call to 414-540-2170.
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